Fashion Discernment: Mommy Field Trip Disasters

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Previously I was able to bring to you what not to wear on your feet on a field trip after wearing flip flops to a kid’s activity museum. I can now bring to you from my own personal experience what not to wear on your hips (i.e. pants) after going to the zoo with my younger daughter’s class yesterday. I am working my way up the body and I am sure will soon have a shirt experience to share because WHY? I have no fashion discernment. Some people seem naturally born with the genius, while others have honed it into a talent. I have neither and thus am one of THOSE people who need all the help I can get.

What is fashion discernment? The World Book dictionary calls fashion "the current custom in dress, manners or speech." Discernment means "keenness in seeing and understanding; good judgement, shrewdness." I would therefore conclude that putting the two words together means that one has the good judgement to wear the current custom in dress when given the opportunity to show oneself in public. I do not believe I own this judgement and will tell you why. You be the judge.

Yesterday, I knew I needed tennis shoes for a day at the zoo. Okay, done. Next, jeans seemed like a good possiblity for durability and sturdiness through the day. And indeed, many women were wearing jeans that day. Only one problem, I have just lost 24 pounds since the Fall and nothing fits without being baggy after like 10 minutes of stretching out the post-dryer shrinkage. SO, I decide to pull out a pair of capris that YES were still in my closet after a couple of years. Now, all my tan capris were on the ironing board and would have been suitable as well but that would mean walking downstairs to get dressed.

THEREFORE the only choice in my mind was to put on these fun, flowered capris that went out of style at least 2 years ago but they were springy. And, this is where the lack of discernment comes in. BECAUSE, I knew something was wrong when I entered the classroom and several adult eyes went straight to my pants.  So, I started looking around, sizing up my peers. I am in the North so pretty much all wearables for the tush are solid – jean solid, black solid, white solid, tan solid, everything solid. Then, I started looking around once we got the zoo. In the entire zoo for the entire day, I saw one other woman with paisley pink long shorts and one woman with bright orange pants but they were the exception, along with me and my lack of FASHION DISCERNMENT. I was beginning to feel I should make myself at home in the bird cages and stay there.


Now, you know that in a zoo full of kids and wild animals, no one is looking at me, except me – in the bathroom, in the glass at the polarbear cage, in the glass at the mammal house, in the glass at the reptile house. There is a lot of glass in zoos these days.

An even bigger, literally bigger issue was that these capris had elastic in them which meant that like my oversized jeans,by the end of the day, they also had stretched to unflattering proportions and thus left me promising myself to never let them see the light of the day again.

When you are faced with these fashion discernment revelations or you are struggling with your closet, I have the following tips for you from my own experience:

1) Once you have grown out of something, big or small, by the time you are going to wear it again, it will probably be out of style so GET RID OF IT.

2) If something you own could potentially get someone else in hot fashion water, throw it away – especially if it is stretched out or stained beyond repair.

3) If something that doesn’t fit you is still in some degree of fashion, donate it.

4) When in the North, wear solids for Pete’s Sake (at least on the bottom). Save your Fancy Pants for the cruise in the Bahamas.

5) When you want to blend in with the crowd, use some fashion discernment and if you are still struggling to understand what that means, ask for help – the best solution when you sense you are in over your head. Chic Critique will answer all your questions with their teams of mommy experts!

Have a wonderful weekend! I am off to buy jeans that fit – that hopefully aren’t too low or too high or too blue or too faded or too . . . . just too!

Check out this post lesbian xxx for my sister’s Team in Training Philly Marathon Info!

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  1. Too funny! Fancy pants. I’m from the NORTH too. Brrrr….

  2. Amen and amen.

  3. It Started With A Kiss says:

    Ah, you crack me up! Great story – wasn’t the humiliation worth the blog post?! LOL!

  4. All I can say about that is Bless your heart. Congratulations on losing 24 lbs though. :)

  5. O my gawsh, you did NOT wear those pants. ;=) ;=) I agree, the humiliation cartoon porn is worth the blog fodder. That was hilarious!

  6. Oh no! I’m so sorry–those pants are awful. C free cougar dating sites ongratultions on the weight loss, though-that’s awesome!

  7. Michele says:

    This is truly hilarious and being from the South also, I bet I have some pants like this in my closet. Now that I lost 15 pounds, I was about to go pull out my honeymoon clothes. Better rethink that :) Thanks for the tip, Michele

  8. Some times its not discernment, its attitude. Wear those pants on your skinny self with pride and start a new trend!

  9. I have several of those type pants in my closet that I just hate to part with even though I know they don’t do anything for my plump figure! Guess I should make the break and give them away as I am really from the North! Funny story!! :o)


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